Discipline in BDSM

Discipline (BDSM)

Discipline in BDSM is the practice in which the dominant sets rules which the submissive is expected to obey. When rules of expected behaviour are broken, punishment is often used as a means of disciplining.

Punishment

In BDSM, rules can be made so that a submissive (“sub”) knows how they should behave in order not to displease the dominant. Rules are usually set and agreed upon by the dominant and the submissive before the beginning of any BDSM scene and/or situation, and can also be used to help make the sub feel inferior, or for “training” a novice sub, though such is not always the case and rules can be set by the dominant for reasons both pertaining to the scene (such as fear play) and/or reasons outside of the constructed world of BDSM. When the rules are broken, even accidentally, punishment is often used as a means of discipline. Punishment itself can be physical (e.g. whipping or piercing) or psychological (e.g. erotic humiliation through public nudity or golden showers) or a combination of both (e.g. through predicament bondage).

The goal of discipline is to “teach” (in the context of the BDSM scene, and only as such to make the sub feel inferior by playing as if they are being taught “how to behave” like a child or animal, and such is pretended, as BDSM is sexual play and does not pertain or adhere to reality) the sub how they should behave as well as the consequences that may arise as a result of breaking the rules of behavior. When subs receive punishment for breaking the set rules, they “learn” (again in the context of sexual play) self-restraint and become “better” subs. The punishment is usually, but not always, related to the mistake, and is also usually proportionate to the severity and frequency of the mistake. For example, a punishment for speaking out of turn for the first time may be a simple restraint (such as being silenced using a gag). Similarly, the punishment for a male sub’s penis becoming erect despite not being allowed, even if unintentionally, can be a chastity cage.

The sub may also be given the option of choosing his/her own punishment. For example, for a minor mistake made repeatedly, the punishment can be an option either to be caned a few times (physical punishment) or to be paraded nude in public with a pet animal leash (mental punishment). For a major indiscipline by a female sub, the choice can be between breast torture and pussy torture. For a major indiscipline by a male sub, the choice may be the instrument type to be used (e.g. whip or cane) and the body part to be punished (e.g. back or buttocks) with a number of hard strokes.

Punishments carried out on BDSM submissives, even harsh ones involving severe pain, should not be confused with those carried out in sadomasochism, though similar. S&M involves giving pain/torture to a “sub” for the sake of the physical pleasure of the “sub” and/or “dom”. In BDSM discipline, punishments given are meant to derive pleasure from the psychological aspect of being inferior, by having to be “taught” and punished like a child or animal, as well as the vulnerability, rejection, and humiliation the “sub” may feel when being punished, and the humility and vulnerability the “sub” may feel after “learning” to overcome their feelings of inferiority and reconcile with the dominant by apologizing and emotionally accepting the punishment for their perceived wrong. One thing the two activities have in common is that there are limits and safewords in both.

Punishments in BDSM are carried out with the consent of both the dominant and the submissive. Such punishments carried out are agreed upon, set up, and talked about before the beginning of a BDSM scene or the signing of any BDSM “slave contract”, and the misbehavior of the submissive is also usually predetermined before the activity begins. BDSM is sexual play, and such punishments are not carried out in a real world context, as said before, in that BDSM activities are predetermined, the scenes are made up, and none of it is carried out due to any real misbehavior of the submissive to any actual, real rule. There are “rules” separate from the BDSM scene, such as the safeword being used to signal an unwillingness to continue, and not doing a specific activity, which makes one uncomfortable, and then there are rules in the context of the play which are set to be broken and punished, these are the “play rules”. Punishment should also not be confused with BDSM training which may involve giving pain simply in order to increase the endurance limit of the sub. Sometimes, disciplining may avoid punishment altogether, and instead a hard glance or loud voice from the dominant may be effective.

Positive Reinforcement

In addition to punishment, disciplining may also involve positive reinforcement. This involves rewarding the sub for good behaviour (e.g. being allowed to sleep on a bed rather than a hard floor).